After losing Benny Boy a few months ago, my webbed footprints in the sky assuring me it was his time to go inspired me to re-connect with my spirituality--to try to deepen my bond with what's really important. I set out to find a church that shares my beliefs and where I feel comfortable. Isabel and I went to a few before sinking into the right one.

I usually feel pretty out of place with the other people there despite feeling a connection God and with our pastor. I don't know... I guess they all seem so close, like a family, and I feel sort of left out and don't really know how to get in. It's like being the new kid in class--where you feel like everyone's watching you and wondering who you are, but no one talks to you.

I like to sit in the pew near the window, where the sun shines through over me. And I spend most of my time thinking of Benny Boy and recently our dear Lilly. And then I remember Jezebel, Elijah, Joven, Daisy May, Neo, Vida, Desitny, Duran Rio, Deirdre Dear Heart... and so many more.

No one there knows about our sanctuary or what I do except for the pastor. I've told her about it and shared quite a few emails and photos. Her being an animal lover is one of the reasons I feel at home at this church. But I haven't told any one else because I'm just not strong enough now to handle any "dinner" or "hunting" slurs, so I haven't mentioned it at all--not that anyone's asking.

Anyway... I was thinking... every week the pastor asks who has seen God this week. And I thought how amazing it would be if this Sunday I could speak up for the first time since going and say, "I saw God this week when Young Matthew made a turn for the better after being so extremely ill."

The pastor emails me every day and asks how Young Matthew is doing. Yesterday I replied, "I'm praying I will see God this week... because if I don't, I fear my dear Young Matthew will... and I don't know what I'll do then..."

She has sent so many supportive emails and among them was my favorite:

Heavenly Father, our human ties with our friends of other species is
wonderful and a special gift from You. We now ask You to grant our
special Young Matthew your care and your healing power to
take away any suffering he has. Give us, his human friends,
new understanding of our responsibilities to these creatures of
Yours. They have trust in us as we have in You; our souls and
theirs are on this earth together to give one another friendship, love, 
affection, and caring. Take our heartfelt prayers and fill Young Matthew 
with healing Light and strength to overcome whatever weakness of body he has.

We lift up Young Matthew to you.

Your goodness is turned upon every living thing and Your grace flows
to all Your creatures. From our souls to theirs goodness flows,
touching each of us with the reflection of Your love. Grant to our
special companions long and healthy lives. Give them good
relationships with us, and if You see fit to take them from us, help
us to understand that they are not gone from us, but only drawing
closer to You. Please watch over them until they are
safely with You in eternity, where we someday hope to join them in
giving You honor forever. Amen.

I printed it up and read it to Young Matthew and taped it over his head and I move it around the house, to whatever room he's in. Isabel reads it to him too.

Matthew yesterday with prayer in window

It's nearly 7:00 pm and thinking on Matthew's day, I'm cautiously, slightly optimistic. It's just a few little things that make me feel he might be feeling a little relief, but whether it's the higher dose of pain meds, or improvement... I can't say for sure. His head was a little more upright today, he was quacking a little more today (even Tony noticed when he came home) and even made a tiny little poo doo--although it was very loose. Still, when you're looking for signs of improvement, any sign will do--even one made of poop.

I switched him from regular Ensure today to the weight gain formula for a higher calorie count. I'm still stirring in A/D canned dog food and Critical Care.

Young Matthew also gets:

1) A bowl of water with Sav-A-Chick vitamins mixed in (one pack per gallon).

2) A bowl of water with ground up Mazuri food mixed in.

3) A bowl with dry Mazuri food ground into grit-sized pieces.

4) And of course a hopeful sprinkle of lettuce on the side.

 

Young Matthew today